Chaotic Nights — Chapter 175. Diary

Translator: Atlas

Weekly Chapter 2/4

Once he quit using opium, he frequently suffered from painful tremors. He became angry for no reason. He could not bear the anxiety that the situation caused him.

When he feared losing Eunha, it felt like he was drowning, making it impossible for him to give up. She forsook her sister for his sake. Jihak only cared about his own desires.

It was unbelievable that he was afraid that happiness would collapse.

It didn’t matter that his sins would remain unforgiven.

He kept walking.

He could no longer stop.

***

“Please sit on this cushion.”

Gari brought a soft cushion. Eunha went to the cushion.

Then she read the book in her lap again. There were few books left in this room. This book had no title, but the sentences captivated her.

[He bowed twice at Wien’s grave.]

Eunha realized that Jihak had written this diary.

She plunged into her thoughts. She felt that she should not open this book without his permission. She had thought about it for days, but in the end her curiosity overcame her fear.

[I was glad when the doctor said I would probably lose my sight. The fact that I don’t have to look at this terrible world.]

[Today there was a call to find a Crown Princess. I am fed up. I don’t know love. I don’t want to know. It’s just annoying]

The more she turned the pages, the more she felt she didn’t know it.

There were situations like betrayals that gave him great anxiety. He lived with death at his back. His distrust grew. His pain was evident in his writing. A helplessness came over him. She also began to feel compassion.

Following a period filled with hardship, Eunha reached the chapter [Harye].

[An ugly girl. The girl with scarred hands reads a forbidden book. Who was this girl who was not a commoner? Why did she look familiar to her.]

It was the day she went up the mountain to catch a tiger. In the end, she could not catch it and walked with Young Master Shihoon. She felt embarrassed, so she turned the pages.

[She is an interesting woman.]

[Blindness is more frequent. Every time that happened, I looked for the girl. Then, my vision cleared up. But I can’t ask anyone.]

[Eunha. That girl.]

The diary was not that long. But Eunha vividly remembered those events. The painful memories now stirred her heart.

His diary began anew when her sister stayed here.

Days once marked by frustration transformed into a sense of longing. There were sweet confessions. Now she understood why she could not read this.

[I see Eunha everywhere. Her scent is everywhere too. She smiles happily every time our gazes meet. I can’t lose her.]

[Why is she so beautiful?]

[Eunha.]

Unable to continue reading due to her trembling heart, she rested her forehead against the book. The final sentence seemed so real, as if he was calling her name.

Eunha called out to Gari, who was sewing nearby.

“Do you know when Jihak is coming?”

“He’s taking longer than expected. Why?”

Eunha shook her head. Then she went into the room to put the book away. Jihak had avoided her the last few days. Despite living under the same roof, they hadn’t crossed paths.

She really missed him. She put on a coat.

Gari was surprised when she saw Eunha head for the door in footwear.

“Where are you going?”

“I want to see Jihak…”